Von(fly)Trap

Dear pesky fruit flies,

I believe it is not your intention to live in my house, use my air conditioning, drink my water, and so on – you just want to indulge in my overly-ripe fruit, afterall you are a fruit fly. I get that.

However, I find this arrangement to be rather problematic because I, too, want to eat my fruit – without you and your friends swarming around my head or billowing out of my peeled banana. It’s just gross and not so very appetizing.

I could be on board if it were just you and a few friends, but you tend to multiply. Like rabbits. Herds of frisky rabbits.

And frankly, I’ve had enough of you and your shenanigans and you’ve left me no choice.

Very soon you will smell the sweet aroma of an overly-ripe strawberry. You will be so overcome with the desire to have this scrumptioulescent berry that you will plummet into the funnel of doom, trapped inside my recycled bottle where you will live out your final days (are fly days like dog years?)…

I’m very sorry to end our relationship like this – it just wasn’t working for me anymore.

Sincerely,

the Mama

Sophisticated Fly Trap – thanks to Kiwi Magazine
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2 responses

  1. HAHAHAHAH Beth I love it!! do you have an idea for my mosquito friends biting my butt while in the shower, or my eyelids while trying to sleep? oh and im not exagerating.. I need some options here… they have got to go and stop living in my house-The cats and dogs kill a few here and there but I need more

    • Ugh. Mosquitoes are the worst! You would think I would be used to them and have made peace by now – no way. You can try various essential oils – eucalyptus & basil work for sure. We use a deet-free, all essential oil spray – chasing a toddler with a homemade potion would just be too crazy. But you could put a few drops of the oils on your pillow or burn a candle while in the shower… it’s worth a try!

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